


Sharpies

by cranky__crocus



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-30
Updated: 2010-09-30
Packaged: 2017-10-12 08:04:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/122708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cranky__crocus/pseuds/cranky__crocus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Callie receives an interesting case that amuses her and her fellow doctors. She next tackles Halloween and her anniversary with Arizona, who is forever around to augment Callie's natural sense of mischief.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sharpies

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this for a friend of mine in the Callie/Arizona community. I mentioned that Callie and Arizona would have a pizza box wedding if they went the way of Derek and Mer, so she demanded I write it. I also included my strange plotbunnies based on that day's FML and a Halloween idea. This story is ridiculous.

i. Guitar Zero

 

            “Dr. Torres, we have an interesting case for you,” Yang introduced. She tried to hide her snigger; it failed entirely.

            Callie raised an eyebrow. “And the reason this required Dr. Robbins and all the Grey’s Groupies?”

            “Because it’s freaking funny.” Yang didn’t look at all apologetic as she led the group into the room. She pointed at the patient. “David, 19, Guitar Hero injury.”

            He looked up sheepishly, attempting to cover his embarrassed features with his scene fringe and uninjured hand. “Hello…was just hanging with the boys, you know…”

            Callie couldn’t help it. She laughed.

            “Calliope! This is a patient!” her girlfriend reminded, scandalised that her girlfriend would embarrass a patient so. Yang shot the blonde a look and belted out her laughter. Mer followed suit with more hidden giggles.

            Dr. Sloan was strolling by and peeked in, given the majority of his acquainted colleagues were all in one room. “What have we got?”

            “Guitar Hero sprain,” Callie said as she finished prodding around the teen’s arm. He winced. His face still looked more pained from mortification than actual physical discomfort.

            Mark’s eyes turned mirthful and sparkled in humour. His eyebrows shifted. “Seriously? Guitar Hero, man?”

            “He doesn’t deserve this abuse!” Arizona reprimanded the group. She gave them all The Eye, but given the previous blonde-haired-blue-eyed Attending to stalk the halls was Erica Steak-Knife Ice-Glare Hahn, no one even noted it as an affecting occurrence. The woman rolled her eyes and stalked off, throwing one comment over her shoulder. “I’m disappointed in you, Doctor Torres. Your patient deserves better.”

            When she was gone, his face flushed. “Actually, I don’t. Only a loser sprains their wrist playing a video game.”

            Lexie and George, who had also peeked in, chuckled at the event. The room cleared out until only Yang lingered.

            “Doctor Yang, don’t you have better things to do? You got your laugh.”

            She skedaddled right on out.

            “I am such an idiot,” David concluded with a groan. He watched as Callie applied a sling for him. “Pretty sure there’s nothing worse to happen in front of the girl you like.”

            “You’d be surprised. You played DDR before?”

            He nodded, eyes sceptical.

            “You should see the injuries we get for that. Can you imagine breaking your knee falling from a pad at the arcade the day of senior graduation? That one was pretty bad.” Callie looked both ways, checking the halls for any blonde heads bobbing up and down the corridor, before looking back at her patient. “And you know the blondey? Our third date we stayed in for a video game night and I fell trying to impress her. Sprained my ankle and pulled down the curtains trying to keep my balance. My roommate—the black-haired woman—freaked.”

            “Ouch,” he empathised. He gave her a pat on the arm and laughed. “How’d that go over? Third date, tough call…”

            “It turned out fine. She hit her head on the coffee table when she fell off the couch laughing, so we called it a draw and spent the rest of the evening icing ourselves and watching films.”

            “The silver lining I didn’t get.”

            Callie raised an eyebrow and plucked a sharpie from her pocket. “The sling is yours. Normally people write on casts, but I’ve seen some pretty cool art on slings… You can take this with you and get her to sign it, or you can take it home signed by a girl already and make her work for it.”

            “Who would sign my sling here?”

            The raven-haired ortho-chick raised her eyebrow again and winked. He nodded and held up the sling. The woman chuckled and carefully scripted her name, dotting the ‘i’ with a heart. She capped the permanent marker and asked, “Girly enough to raise suspicions?”

            “Totally. Thanks. She’ll scramble to sign it now, so she doesn’t have to gamble signing _third_.” He smiled as she handed him the Sharpie, which he tucked into his jean pocket. “Thanks Doctor Torres.”

            “No problem. And in the future?”

            He gazed at her intently, waiting for the advice.

            “Only whammy the star notes. It helps you play better anyway…and look cooler. Only beginners go mad crazy over the whammy bar.”

            “You totally guessed. Great. But really, thanks.” He stood up and brushed his hair into order. “Am I all set to go?”

            “You are. Stop by the desk and sign one form. Then off to impress your girl!”

            She followed him out of the room. When Callie neared the desk of the pit again, Yang was watching her with sadistically amused eyes.

            “If he thinks his is bad, he’s never met my roommate,” she remarked with a grin and leaned back against the desk, all gloating self-satisfaction. “At least he kept the décor intact.”

            “Suck it, Yang. Where’s Arizona?”

            “McPerky is off on a McTantrum, probably stomping her feet and calling her girlfriend a jerkface.”

            “… _Floor_ , Yang?”

            “Paeds, _duh_. Have fun climbing back into good graces, McKlutz.”

            “Shove it Yang.” Ortho McBadass stopped, sighed and dropped her head. “But thanks. Good luck in the lion’s den.”

            “No man, _you_.”

            Callie trod off with a nod and a groan.

 

 

David logged onto his MacBook and typed in the address bar with one hand. His entry was even slower due to his handicap.

            “[Today, I sprained my wrist playing Guitar Hero.](http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/2939443) The ER doctor called all of her coworkers in to hear my story.[ They all laughed.](http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/2939443)[ FML](http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/2939443)”

            He grinned despite himself. _But at least I got the girl_ ,he thought as he hit send.

 

 

ii. Halloween

 

            “What the fack are you?” Cristina asked as the two women strolled into canteen. It had been a joint effort between the paeds and the derms to create a Halloween Night for the holiday. But since they were all doctors and basically had no lives, or at least had souls sold to the hospital, they were hard-pressed to leave as a group and rent a hall. So the shindig was going down in the canteen: an all-evening party available for anyone not on immediate duty.

            Cristina, it seemed, was not on immediate duty. Nor was she finished with the mocking. “You look like regular people. Which, by the way, props, because that’s new.”

            Arizona held out her hand and took Cris’, ignoring the raised eyebrow. “Hello! I’m Tina Kennard. This is my partner Bette Porter.”

            Callie gave the Asian woman a look up and down and nodded. “Hi.”

            “Tina and Bette.” Cristina crossed her black-sleeved arms and glared in apparent thought. Her eyes widened and a sarcastic smirk spread over her lips. “No way. You two are not dorky enough to dress up as _television lesbians_.”

            “Says the woman dressed as Cruella Deville, because Disney _always_ trumps Showtime, right?” Callie riposted, grinning. She perched an arm on Arizona’s hip. “Nice wig, by the way. You look better going grey.”

            “Whatever. Seriously? What lesbians _dress up_ as lesbians for Halloween?” Cristina looked over her shoulder and called Mer over. “Hey! Bellatrix La-weirdo, get a load of this!”

            Mer was followed by Derek-the-Dracula, Mark-the-Spike and Lexie-the-Little-Mermaid.

            They all looked the two new arrivals up and down. Three of the faces were confused. Lexie grinned.

            “L Word! God, you guys, you got it down perfectly. Even Bette’s whacked hair and crazy top.”

            Cristina turned to Mark with a mixed look of scepticism and amusement. “Are you _sure_ she’s straighter than Callie and Addison?”

            “I am not losing another one to the call of the cunning linguists!” Mark announced, wrapping an arm protectively around Lexie’s shoulder. She only giggled and cuddled herself in. Callie’s mind exploded at the idea of Spike and The Little Mermaid together.

            “I so do not ship this,” she remarked with a look to the fake fin and the spiked hair. “Vampires and mermaids are so wrong together. I’m going to get punch.”

            Arizona laughed and extricated herself from her girlfriend’s arm to stay with the group. She looked giddy, all perky perching on the balls of her feet with hands clasped. “I can’t believe we’re having fruit punch. This is so high school.”

            “Hospital,” Cristina reminded with a swing of her arm to take in the surroundings. “We sort of know that hospitals and alcohol don’t mix. After all, you’re dating Callie. She’s our prize downer.”

            “Like that time—”

            “Seriously, Lexie?” Mer interrupted, smiling.

            Derek grinned along. “I declare a new rule: what happens in this hospital stays _out_ of this hospital.”

            “Amen,” Arizona intoned with a daring sparkle in her eye. “If you don’t mind, I’m going to head off and find my double girlfriend.”

 

 

A few hours later, Arizona and Callie—Tina and Bette—had checked on their patients. Callie’s Halloweens tended to consist of setting the bones of Trick-or-Treater’s. Arizona tended to spend it helping sick children who had undoubtedly eaten too much candy.

            They arrived back at the canteen at approximately the same time. Arizona ducked under her girlfriend’s arm. “Hello, Bette.”

            “Hello, Tina.”

            They found the rest of the group—Mer was off with a surgery and Derek was on a consult—and settled down.

            “If it isn’t Tibette!” Lexie welcomed with a bright smile and slid over to give them room at the table.

            “Yeah, if it isn’t the creative lesbians,” Cristina reminded with a friendly snarl. Only Cristina could pull off a ‘friendly snarl’.

            “If it isn’t Queen Bitch of the spotted bitch-dogs,” Callie responded evenly, settling back in her chair with a grin. “Have you skinned enough interns to make your puppy coat yet?”

            Even Cristina had to laugh at that. Lexie laughed hardest, grateful to be out of the Year of Terror and onto the second rung in the ladder of Seattle Grace.

            “Don’t mind her,” Lexie said, pointing at the black-and-white-haired woman. “She’s only a sour-face because Owen is watching the pit. He’s Mufasa.”

            “Seriously?” Callie inquired with a quick chuckle. “Well, we all knew Cristina liked the pussy.”

            “Piss off, Callie!” Cristina rebounded, but the corner of her lips hitched up in the barest presence of a smirk.

            “Speaking of which, I’ve been wanting to do this all night,” Arizona interjected as she pulled an object that looked suspiciously like an enlarged syringe from her purse. She uncapped the long needle and, before anyone thought to move, pushed in the lever with the point facing Cristina. “Happy insemination!”

            “Oh HELL no! I did NOT survive Smith to be squirted by colleaguebians!” Cristina wiped her face and arms. “For the love of…”

            “Chill, Cristina: it’s milk. As if _we_ would touch anything but. You should be used to it.” Callie was smirking.

            Cristina glared. She muttered, “I hate lesbians.”

            “Smith must have been a _blast_ ,” the paeds surgeon answered with a giddy smile.

            They were alerted to the fact that they had apparently lost Mark when his laughter turned from silent choking to a howl of delighted amusement as he fell from his chair to the floor. Lexie looked down and back up at the table. “Sorry. Lesbians still tickle his funny bone.”

            Callie snorted. “There’s no doubt about _that_.”

            “Calliope!” Arizona exclaimed, batting at her girlfriend’s shoulder. “Behave.”

            “Yes missus.” The Latina eyed her girlfriend and gave a wicked smile. “I’m an expert on lesbians and funny bones.”

            “That’s more like it.” The blonde gave her girl a peck on the lips. The gesture sobered Mark right up and he rocketed back into his chair.

            “Damn it! I always miss the lesbians. Willow and Tara, Kennedy, Xena and Gabrielle, Tina and Bette…” he sighed and rested his head on his fist in a very Spike manner. “It is my eternal doom to be one step behind the lesbians.”

            “But you have the Little Mermaid,” his girlfriend reminded patiently.

            “But I have a fin for a skirt, so it all works out,” he concluded with a loving smile to his marine Disney Princess. Arizona and Callie were gazing intently into the other’s eyes, entirely forgetting that others were present in the room.

            Cristina audibly gagged and turned to Mer. “Let’s go dance it out until our vampire and king return.”

            “Yes, my canine-slaying companion, let’s.”

 

 

iii. DiGiorno Wedding

 

            “Hey Zoney!” Callie called over the sound of vacuuming and loud music. The vacuuming halted to be replaced with the sound of her girlfriend singing, gazing attentively at her over the couch and counter. “I’m ordering pizza in. We going with the norm?”

            “Oh, wait wait!” Arizona called and dropped the vacuum, which fell to the floor with a thump. The music dropped to half its volume and the blonde came jogging into the kitchen with bunny slippers. “I already got some pizza.”

            Callie watched the woman’s ass as she bent down to the freezer and pulled out a large box.

            “Store-bought oven pizza? Really?”

            The paeds woman turned and yanked down the white muscle shirt that had hitched up. She held out the box and smiled. “It’s not delivery, it’s DiGiorno!”

            She finalised the statement with an adorable wink. The Latina crossed her arms and belted out her laughter. She dotted her eye and took the box from her gleeful, chuckling girlfriend.

            “You’re wasted as a surgeon,” Callie informed with a grin. “You should be in advertising. What is a child’s life if you can sell some super greasy food?”

            Arizona raised an eyebrow and bumped hips with the other woman. “Of all the things to pick up in three years, you pick up the ‘super’. Lemme help you with that.”

            “Right. You’re better with the pre-packaged food.” She paused to watch her girlfriend stick out her tongue. “And besides, you’ve picked up quite a bit of Spanish. Least I could do was learn how to talk like a 14-year-old again. And if you don’t stop sticking out that tongue of yours, I’m going to steal it.”

            “Try me.” Arizona’s eyes were on fire.

            “What happened to the ‘no sex until the house is clean’ rule?”

            The blonde sighed audibly and braced her hand on the countertop. “Oh, Calliope, you know me and rules. We never really work out.”

            “My perky little rebel.” Callie leaned in and stole Arizona’s tongue, which resulted only in a moan and a thigh inched between her own. The brunette’s stomach rumbled. She pulled back and groaned. “And now I remember why I was ordering pizza.”

            “Slip her in, champ,” Arizona urged, sliding the box across the counter.

            “I was trying to,” the other female remarked with a smirk and pulled the pizza from the box. She smiled at her flustered companion and put the oven on preheat. “You finish vacuuming until this preheats, then start organising and I’ll do the kitchen while this cooks.”

            “Sounds like a plan, man.” Arizona grinned and raced back to the living room to revive the fallen vacuum. Before she turned it on she looked up again and caught her girlfriend’s attention. “Also, awesome plan to stay in tonight! I am super starving for some pizza in bed.”

            “I’m starving equally for the pizza and the bed,” Callie said with a sultry smile as she pulled some pots and pans from the cupboard to organise. “We have been far too busy these past few weeks.”

            “Well you can trust that tonight I will make it up to you.”

            “Word.”

            Arizona gave her a look for the vernacular but laughed and turned on the vacuum.

 

 

The two met up again a half hour later, the living room dazzling and the kitchen shining. Arizona’s smile and dimples matched the cleanly home; Callie reciprocated and flashed her big pearly whites.

            “I am so glad we’re both clean people,” Arizona admitted as she hopped onto the counter and swung her legs. “I have had too many exes who weren’t.”

            “And I had Cristina, which is sort of like having three sloppy girlfriends at the same time.” Callie gazed up from petite bunny-covered feet past muscular tanned legs to a toned stomach, a pert chest and a devilish grin. The caramel female finally intoned, “Your butt is on my clean counter.”

            “All the build-up for _that_?” the blonde teased. She watched Callie remove the pizza and rest it on the stove. When the woman was within reach, Arizona caught her with strong legs and pulled her in. Their lips were attached before either could ruin the moment.

            After a breath, Callie mentioned, “As much as I’d like to have you for supper, we do have pizza.”

            “I’m content being dessert,” the blonde retorted as she hopped from the counter. She grinned over her shoulder as she put the pizza back in the box and walked toward the bedroom. “Our five-star dining station awaits.”

            “Ten-star, and lead the way.”

 

Arizona leaned forward and kissed away a remaining spot of sauce from Callie’s lip.

            “Happy anniversary, Calliope,” she whispered, smiling ear to ear and displaying her devastatingly adorable dimples.

            “Happy anniversary, Arizona.” Callie returned the kiss, deepening it to nibbles. They both smiled into the kiss and kept it light. When they broke away, Callie had a thought. “Did you ever find out how Derek and Meredith married?”

            “Calliope, you _know_ that hospital. People talk. Of _course_ I did.” Regardless of the words and tone, Arizona smiled. “It was perfect for them. Post-it wedding. Starts with a one night stand, makes it through wives and lovers, plan a huge wedding, make a friend’s life and marry by a Post-It. It’s so them.”

            “Takes so much of the pressure off, too. Just the two, together.” Callie’s eyes glazed. “Even with George it wasn’t that easy, and we just did LA. I wanted that simplicity. LA was not the right place.”

            The blonde pulled her girlfriend’s hand to her lap and stroked the brunette’s palm. “I understand. I love weddings, I love ceremonies and flowers and maids, but I love the simplicity too. Knowing that the commitment is there in private. It would be like us marrying by pizza box.”

            Callie laughed out loud. “Our relationship does not resolve around pizza!”

            “Of course not. But it sure has kept us from lesbian bed death, forever revisiting our first time!”

            The Latina smiled, her face full of adoration as she laced her fingers with the blonde’s. “It was perfect enough to merit revisiting.”

            They shared a moment of companionable silence together, just watching and smiling. Their eyes connected almost without blinking. As wordy as both were—and between Callie’s nervous rambles and Arizona’s peppy speeches, they _were_ wordy people—they could communicate just as well without them.

            Arizona took a breath. “I have an idea.”

            “I bet it’s my idea too.”

            “Calliope Iphigenia Torres, will you marry me in bed with a pizza box?”

            Callie smiled. “You make it sound like Clue: Arizona married Callie in bed with the pizza box. But yes, I absolutely will. Will you marry me in bed with a pizza box?”

            “And a pink sharpie, yes!” The blonde hopped over to plant kisses all over her girlfriend’s face as she reached for her purse and then the pizza box. Callie was laughing and smiling brighter than she could remember smiling before. Arizona removed her pink Sharpie and crossed her legs, watching the cardboard pizza top with deep consideration. “What are our vows?”

            “Never get lesbian bed death. Even when we’re old and need super padded bras and a babysitter for our grandchildren.”

            Arizona responded with a feral grin and scribbled down ‘no lesbian bed death, even when saggy.’

            “Beautiful children whom we will embarrass out of their minds, as any good parents should.” The blonde handed the box over to her girl, who scribbled down ‘many children that we will mortify to death.’

            “No panicking through stages of life or losing ourselves to the lesbian urge to merge,” Callie added, smiling at the combination of two of the things she was most guilty of with relationships but had yet to do with the current.

            The paeds surgeon gently took the Sharpie and added ‘don’t panic’ and ‘no lesbian urge to merge.’

            “We communicate and take care of each other, and keep our friends in our lives.” Arizona paused and brought the end of the Sharpie to her chin. “And we don’t get jealous over friends! Or in general.”

            “Well, just a little. A little jealousy can be hot,” Callie chirped in, smiling. “You’re hot with fire in your eyes, protecting your girl.”

            The ortho chick took the permanent marker back and pressed the tip to the pizza box. ‘Talk things through’ and ‘only a little jealousy for aesthetic qualities’ were soon added to the list. “Anything else?”

            “Stay in love. And rules must never discourage food in bed.” Arizona soon penned ‘Hearts together forever.’ After a moment for laughter she added, ‘Calzone endorses food in bed.’

            “Calzone?” Callie questioned, eyebrow raised. She smiled at the tongue poking out of her girl’s lips as the blonde drew two lines with large calligraphied X’s.

            “Calzone!” Arizona repeated. “ _Call_ iope and Ari _zon_ a--made into a food, because we appreciate food in bed!”

            The brunette smiled at the woman’s delight and took the marker. She took her time to write ‘Calliope Torres’ next to her X. She looked up and nibbled her bottom lip. “I hope you don’t mind leaving my middle name out? It’s not my favourite, as you know…”

            “Don’t sweat it. I’ll leave mine out too. No one needs to know I’m Tuesday by birth…” the woman responded as she carefully scribed her own name, ‘Arizona Robbins.’ She paused for a moment before a dorky grin spread over her face. She added a heart off in the corner and wrote ‘Arizona loves Calliope.’

            Calliope stole the marker to draw cartoon versions of the two next the heart, adding, ‘And Calliope loves Arizona.’

            “I hope you know we’re the dorkiest people around,” Arizona remarked after she gave the pizza box a kiss and smiled over at her girlfriend. Callie kissed it too and released her deep, belting laughter.

  

  1.             “I hope so! I don’t want to find any couple dorkier than us.”           
  



            “I can’t wait to marry you with a ceremony too. Flowers, dresses, music and an aisle…” Arizona smiled off into the distance.

            “Cristina without eyebrows,” Callie added, drawing the woman back until they were both laughing.

            “Calliope, you wouldn’t be so wicked!”

            “No, you’re right: I’ll just make her wear a hot pink bridesmaid dress.”

            “She’ll love you forever.” The blonde took a breath and gave her most breath-taking smile. “But not as much as I will. Is it dessert time yet?”

            Calliope didn’t deem that a question worth a wordy answer, so she tackled her delicious fiancé instead. Pizza in bed was a crime if it wasn’t followed with just the right dessert. To Callie, Arizona was just the right dessert.

 

 

Hours later Arizona lounged around in Callie’s arms, both content with their nudity and the warmth of springtime.

            “Happy anniversary, Calliope, my pizza wife.”

            “Happy anniversary, Arizona, my pizza wife.”

            Arizona yawned, smiled and snuggled into Callie’s soft neck. The petite woman murmured, “Goodnight, Calzone.”

            Callie chuckled and stroked the woman’s ringlets. She whispered, “Goodnight, Calzone,” and kissed her love’s forehead. Tomorrow they could frame the box and give it the honorary position above their headboard; for tonight, lovely sleep in their hearts’ embrace.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed it. (:


End file.
